


To be a leader means to be alone, doesn't it?

by Simplistically_Arid



Category: Ender Series - Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game (2013), Ender's Game - All Media Types
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ender has to be an adult, Hints at Xenocide, M/M, One Kiss, Underage Kissing, they're children
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-27
Updated: 2019-09-27
Packaged: 2020-10-29 01:03:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20788004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Simplistically_Arid/pseuds/Simplistically_Arid
Summary: For so long, like Alai said, they gave and gave and gave.   Being called out from day one, being pushed to his limits, the isolation meant to create him into a leader, a deliverer.  To be so damaged until it was deemed greatness





	To be a leader means to be alone, doesn't it?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimers/credits were they are due.  
Wrote this way back in 2017 and finally decided to post it.  
Takes place after the end of the first book.

One by one, his friends reluctantly left him, called home to their families, to be received with heroes’ welcomes in hometowns they barely remember.  
One by one they would pull him aside and thank him for their time together. He knew they meant well, but it was rather unfair that they go home, to Earth, while he had to stay. But his life was always unfair with the odds stacked against him.  
It had been two weeks since Ender had to practically force Bean onto the tug to be sent home. The kid glued himself to Ender, bribing and pleading; acting like a spoiled little kid. This lead Ender to think that if any of them could be normal kids again. To be the spoiled, demanding, typical kids back on Earth. He came to the conclusion that they couldn’t. At least he couldn’t.  
It was in the middle of the night when he heard his door open. The swish startled him, but he kept his body still and his breathing slow. His mind mentally ticking through a list of possible personal who would inconvenience him; Colonel Graff, Major Anderson, Mazer, hell it could have even be Admiral Chamrajnagar to tell him that they found an even bigger threat to mankind. That notion was quickly dismissed however when he heard a soft spoken familiar greeting  
“Salaam.”  


Sitting up, Ender made room for Alai who was quickly by his side, hand in hand; it was something they did on rare, quiet occasions when they were alone. “You’re leaving.” Ender said. They both knew his day was coming no matter how hard they tried to prevent it. “Sadly I am. My ship leaves in 0430.” Ender glanced at his desk, the time read 0320. That only gave them more or less of an hour to be together. “I wanted to come sooner, but they made me pack and go through routine protocols.” Alai added sensing unease between them. ‘I’m sure the adults were against this. One more way for them to ruin my life’ Ender though. “Before I left,” Alai started, “There was something I wanted, which is funny because for our entire lives we gave, and gave, and gave. Sure there was a war and we followed every order given, but I don’t think there was something I truly wanted.” Alai went on to say. His grip on Ender’s hand tightened a little. Ender nodded. “What do you want?” “I think it’s something that we both want – I mean -- I know it doesn’t change anything but –“ Alai stopped himself before he started to prattle and lose their precious time together. “Tell me that you want me to stay.”  
Ender blinked. What he really wanted to do is go back home, that is, back the lake. He once had the thought to take Alai to the lake, for them to spend the day just swimming lazily with no impending war. He could just say what Alai wanted to hear, but what he wanted – no what he needed to do was more personal than an empty goodbye.  
But in doing so, he would be giving into his deepest desires, be showing part of his true self. Someone starving for companionship, who is drained of all feelings and wants to rest. For so long, like Alai said, they gave and gave and gave. Being called out from day one, being pushed to his limits, the isolation meant to create him into a leader, a deliverer. To be so damaged until it was deemed greatness.  
They took Valentine away from him, and over time Alai replaced the hole in his heart. Now they’re taking Alai away from him. How long will it take to mend his broken heart?  
10 years? 30 years? 3,000 years? With space travel anything was possible.  
His heart pounded against his chest as he leaned toward Alai. To his relief, Alai picked up on his movements and didn’t question them, but rather welcomed it.  
The kiss was slow. It wasn’t full of passion, but of comfort. It was the peace that they whispered to each other sometimes in the morning, occasionally in the hallways, and always at night after the strenuous combat in the battleroom. When they broke off, the sense of reality hit Ender so much it shook him to the core. Reaching out he grabbed Alai by the shirt, “I need you to stay.”  


Alai had to laugh. Here the great Ender Wiggins, savior to humankind and destroyer of buggers, is acting like Bean did before the boy left back for Earth. But unlike Bean, Ender has the right to be selfish and Alai so desperately wants to grant all his wishes. The tears are already on his face and he wants to kiss Ender again. Tell him they can be together, that he can be the safe haven Ender needs since Ender can never return home. All of this and more are spoken in the small, empty space between them and is interrupted by the loud knock at Ender’s door.  
Colonel Graff is the person behind the door as it opens. He doesn’t have to say anything because everyone knows this is it. This is goodbye.  
Not wanting to cause a bigger scene than necessary, Alai tenderly removes Ender’s hands from his shirt. “Salaam to you even if we never see each other again,” He whispers and gets up to leave with the colonel.  
While Alai walks down the long corridors that will lead him to the ships heading to Earth, Ender sits on his bed alone. On the outside they acted okay, but on the inside their hearts shattered into pieces and their world crumbled around them. Deep down Ender knew this was his world now.  
He came to the conclusion that his wants and needs would never be fulfilled. No matter what happens now in his life, it would be a long time before he had the salaam Alai talked about.


End file.
